Today I will start a drug that I will have to be on the rest of my life. I am not happy about that. Starting means I cannot stop. I usually just do what I want regarding these things but suddenly stopping could give me a heart attack. You have to wean yourself off this drug for weeks before you can stop. That means I dont have control of my situation. If the side effects are too much to handle it will just be too bad for me. I will have to just suffer with it. That makes me more scared than not taking it. So that is why so far, the pill bottle is sitting in front of me.

Good news and bad news. My heart disease has a name, unfortunately I forgot what it is. The whole time the doctor is talking I am listening, understanding, taking it all in. I had every intention of looking it up on the internet. As soon as I walked out of the office my mind started going a million miles a minute and I totally forgot what she said! I do know that up till now I was pretty safe, the disease was in my upper chambers. Now it has begun to move into my lower chambers so for the last 2 months I have been worrying about dying for nothing!! I didnt need to worry until this week!!!! Good news is that my doctor said she has seen people live on this drug for years. You might not think that is good news but considering I thought I would be gone next month it sounds good to me. I will take years over months.

Side effects seem a little scary. But I have my trusty heart monitor on so it will advise if I have deathly effects. By then I will be gone but hey, at least they will know what killed me. Perhaps I will be one of the few that dont have any side effects. Oh yeah, my life always defies the odds. NOT