Time to face realities in my life. I have coranary artery disease, Arrhythmia, and one of my valves is pumping blood under 40%. I always knew this could become a problem for me. My doctors are at Wood Cardiovascular. They are pretty good. I had appointments all this week and I go for 3 more tests before I see my doctor again. She will then give me the final breakdown of it all and let me know if I can improve or fix what is already bad. I can tell you that I am not feeling good at all. My palpitations have increased, I am very tired all of the time and I am having a hard time catching my breath and sleeping.

They aren't digging my grave yet, but you could say they are pricing shovels. I have always known in the back of my mind that I might not live until my 90's ya know. My mom died at 27, my aunt and grandmother died of heart attacks. But I am not really ready to go just yet. Half of these problems are my own fault. I didnt exercise when I knew I should have. I haven't eaten well. I dont know if its too late or not but I am thinking that half your health is in your mind.

I have already taken steps for the last few years to calm down my chaotic life and to just rid myself of people and things that were not good for me and caused me stress. That part was easy. For the last few years the only thing I really do is hang out with Kevin and the kids. We are all very laid back and I try to keep it simple and stress free.

I have decided to "catch up" so to speak with all the things I should have been doing all along. I am going on a drastic, strict diet. I have a eliptical trainer and I am going to get on that every day. I am going to try to get as healthy as I can as quick as I can. I think that if I drop some weight, exercise my heart and try to lower my cholesterol it will help. At least it wont hurt! It's very evident my doctors do not think I can do this. Probably because I have not done any of this in the last 3 years they have been telling me to. I dont think that it's too late. This might be hard for me to do. I love to eat. I boredom eat at work all day long. I need coffee every morning. I eat while on the computer at night and this all has to stop. I really want to be here for my kids and my grandkids . You think it would be easy to stop when you think about losing your life. I wish it was that easy.